August 6, 2024
Phew! Today was a day.
It was a hot one so I took the girls outside to play in the pool early, around 10am and they weren’t out there that long, 45 minutes tops. Well after the pool, my 2y is tired and takes an early nap. She usually goes to sleep around 1:30p but she probably went today around 12:15p and only slept like 30 mins. I was working on a puzzle with my 5y and making lunch in the meantime. Well that early nap really threw my 2y off and she was tired the rest of the day.
Including her turning 2 a few days ago, she has been very emotional and when she’s frustrated or upset, she’s starting to hit and bite and pull my 5y’s hair. She was mad at me because I took her off a stool (she fell off of one yesterday).
A couple of weeks ago, everything was going so smoothly. My morning routine was on point, I was patient and loving and not yelling at the girls. It was peaceful. Then a week of losing sleep. Not falling asleep until 3-4a and not knowing why. Just laying in the bed wide awake not falling asleep and then getting up when the girls get me up (which already makes me crabby) or having to leave by 8:30a to get out of the house. So a week of my sleep being thrown off has completely thrown me off my course. I’m irritable, my 5y and 2y have been fighting a lot more, I’m just less patient.
I pray to God everyday. I thank Him for a day spent with my family and the challenges he’s putting me through so get me stronger. I have taken so many steps back after working my butt off to take so many steps forward.
Yesterday in my bible study, we started the book of James and I had read it a few months ago. One of the verses I highlighted was “But let patience perfect its work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. “(James 1:4) And it was something I needed to read. Everything that I’ve been going through the past week, I need patience, which is what was so key to me being blissful and what I had worked on before.
I was patient, and it was so easy to lose. Literally spent months building it up and lost it in a week. That’s the first step into me getting back to my peaceful nature. And during my bible study, I read on and also highlighted “But let him ask in faith, without wavering. For he who wavers is like a wave of the sea, driven and tossed with the wind.” (James 1:6) God is telling me to be patient and to lean into Him when I am struggling, when I need help the most and to be patient because He will help, and I have to trust in Him because he always delivers.
So that is what I’m doing. I will say I was a bit more patient today, however my 2y was doing a lot of hitting and mischief due to being tired and she had the hardest day, but it wasn’t all day. Today was definitely a test of patience and after reading that verse, I see it as the test it was. Thank you God for showing me the work that You are doing for me. What is God building me up for? Because I’ve been praying on it and setting my goals to being more patient? But it’s not a gradual thing. Sometimes, a hard test is thrown in your life to see how well you do and to see what you need to correct and how far you’ve come. That’s what today was.
I’ll say my biggest challenge right now is my daughters bickering and fighting amongst each other. It’s been constant for the past 3-4 weeks. Whining about one playing with a certain toy and the other wanting to read the same book and my 5y building a castle and my 2y (the destroyer) coming over and knocking it down (which she does every single time so I can definitely understand the 5y’s frustration) . It’s just been non stop back and forth and I’ll say that wore me down too.
What do I do in those moments where they just fight and mess with each other and scream and get on each other’s nerves? Do I intervene? Do I let them just fight as long as no one is getting hurt? Do I try to be the peacemaker or the neutral party? I want to be the neutral party so it doesn’t seem like I’m taking sides (because it’s so easy to fuss at the eldest child because they know better and can communicate than the 2y) but I need patience and empathy to do that and in order for that, I need to be able to breathe and have time for myself.
Even my mother-in-law said my children are full of energy. We can have them out all day and they’ll still come home, energized, wanting to play. She jokingly said we need to look into melatonin and I told her that I look into it at least once a month. Days where the 2y doesn’t fall asleep until 11pm and is just up and moving around and my husband and I are just tired and irritable and just over it.
My morning time sets the tone for my day and if I don’t read the bible, pray, or even look into my parenting books (which I haven’t in more than a few days tsk tsk) then my home life gets a little bit more stressful each day, because I didn’t start my day off with the tools I needed most.
GOAL:
To be the best version of myself every single day so I am able to teach and raise my children from a place of love and compassion and empathy with God as the foundation and Jesus the pillar.
NOTE: Reading this on February 25, 2026, the bickering still happens between my now 7y and 3y. I will say I have not been reading the parenting books that have helped me become a peacemaker in the past and have instead been reading more from my bible. The bible does not give me much information on parenting, and instead I have to change myself, my mindset so I’m able to absorb the lessons and lead with peace.
