July 19, 2024

Today was challenging. I got my morning time, but was definitely still tired, despite sleeping pretty well last night. Both of the girls woke up prematurely. My 2y was on me and I had to pee so she woke up crying because I got up to go to the bathroom and 5y popped up. That set the tone for the day. All day the girls were going back and forth with each other.

My 5y did not want 2y touching anything that was hers and didn’t want to play with her and whined all day about it and would push her and hit her. My 2y wanted to play with 5y however she would play by messing up whatever 5y had created and 5y would push her away and 2y would get upset and scream or knock something over or hit 5y back. They did this all day.

I took them outside on 3 separate occasions and every time it was an issue. First 5y was drawing granny a picture for her birthday and didn’t want 2y near so then when 5ywanted my help, 2y would run off towards the street to get me up. 5y got in her feelings and picked up a stick and threw it at granny’s car. We went in after that.

Then 5y wanted to play in the pool. I told her it was too cold and she got an attitude. It hit a high of 81 today so not that hot. Anywho the girls love the water so they both got in the pool. My 2y continued to play in the pool but was shivering. 5y would pour water on 2y’s head and spit water on her. 2y would do the same and 5y would whine telling 2y to stop. Once they got out of the pool, they sat in the sun and seemed better, eventually coming in to eat lunch.

The last time was before dinner, they played in the pool and again 5y was dumping water on 2y’s head despite 2y not getting in the water this time (she did later) and 5y would take toys from 2y by swapping them out or keeping them out of her reach even if she wasn’t playing with them. She just didn’t want to share. 2y started playing in some old sitting water and that was it. Time to come in.

Even when Kevin came home, he said they were all over the place. Just bouncing off the walls. 5y was fighting her tiredness all day and 2y was just following her example. I knew 5y was tired after the second time going outside. She looked tired but I let her watch tv instead of making her take the nap she needed. I knew what was best but I let her decide what she wanted to do, which was fight her sleep and it led to a rough night.

After dinner, we played a bit of rough housing, not enough to satisfy the girls because I was indeed tired. Then we played a video game since we got a new controller and could play together but 2y didn’t like that I wasn’t paying attention to her. So 2y was climbing all over me. 2y then climbed on 5y and apparently hit her head and that was it. Time for bed. 5y was full of emotions. Just had them bottled up with no outlet and 2y is screaming at her and 5y is screaming back trying not to blow her lid but hits and shoving. Eventually I yelled at both of them telling them to leave each other alone and to brush their teeth. My patience was gone. It’s after 9pm at this point. 2y was crying because she was tired and because 5y was crying. I’m just over it. Tired. Exhausted. We go to bed and I tell the girls I love them and give 5y a hug and snuggle before she falls asleep on my arm and 2y on my chest.

What happened?

              I ignored my instincts when 5y needed to go to sleep. I was also tired and we all could have taken a much needed nap together instead of me and 5y fighting our sleep. I’ve been taking a lot of naps lately.

5y’s cup needed to be filled and she tried with me several time throughout the day but it was never enough or she would then start watching tv and we would lose that connection. There was a point where we started playing stuffed animals together but that only lasted 10 minutes before 2y woke up and ended our time.

My own cup was being depleted and I didn’t do anything to refill it. In the time when 2y was asleep, I used that time to catch up on tracking my receipts and then reading a bit about homeschooling and watching a bit of tv before playing with 5y.

It’s hard to fill a cup when I’m tired. I need solitude. Time to not do anything and 5y needs connection with me, which is already challenging because it’s hardly ever just her and I. 2y does get jealous if she sees me and 5y bonding and will interrupt.

I need to think of things to do with 5y while 2y is sleeping and enforce no tv. However, sometimes I fall asleep with 2y and leaving 5y unattended has resulted in her cutting her hair on 2 separate occasions. Naps are best for me, however I can’t force 5y to take a nap. Maybe we can do quiet time together by reading and she can fall asleep on me and then we can all lay in the bed.

I need to cut out tv before 2y’s nap time and increase outdoor activity at lunch so she’s tired. On days she wakes up earlier than usual, those are the days she needs naps the most.

It’s also important that I know what fills me up and one of those things is exercise. That would have worked wonderfully today, however I ate too much bagel for breakfast and it weighed me down. Nutrition is very important in maintaining a full cup and being able to fill myself up when I need to so I can pour into my girls, especially 5y. I feel like I’m neglecting her because of 2y. She is so clingy and always all over me. Just always looking for me. I know it’s a healthy attachment but it’s causing pain for 5y.

++After reviewing this in Jan 2026, I learned that outdoor activity is indeed best for mood regulation as well as exercise. Just getting out of the house. I still struggle with resting and getting the girls to rest as they internally have FOMO (fear of missing out) and to go go go! When I talk about filling my own cup, I’m referring to the saying “You can’t pour out of an empty cup” which is referring to the ability to take care of anyone or anything else until I take care of myself first by “filling my own cup” with what nurtures me so I can nurture my children.